So much has happened since my last post. I have been meaning to write again, but time just seems to fly by. But at the moment I have plenty of time on my hands. I will get to that shortly.
At the beginning of April I ended up taking an unexpected trip home so I could be with Dad and Kitty while Kitty had surgery done. I was glad that I was able to be there for that and it was good to take a trip home. It had been just about a year since I had made the trip back. I still was not able to attend church in my home Branch because it was General Conference weekend and I missed being able to see everyone there. It has been about three years now since I have been able to go to church there. But maybe next time I'm home I'll be able to get there. It was nice to spend time with Jo and see Dayl. And go to dinner with Gene. And it was good to see family as well. It was a good trip.
Then at the end of April I made a trip up to Branson for a long weekend with Dad and Kitty. We had a fun time together and saw some great shows. It was good to get away for a few days of fun.
Then just last month Dad, Kitty, and I took a two week trip out West. It was nice and it was good to spend time with them. We also got to meet up with Pete and Marie in Vegas. It is always good to see them and spend time with them. I am so glad that they were able to get a load passing through Vegas. I don't get to see them enough.
This past March I started seeing a new therapist. His name is Larry. He has been really good for me and is an answer to many prayers of my own and others. He has taught me a lot in the short time that we have been meeting. He has many years of experience and is a Christian counselor. After the first few sessions he said to me that he thinks I have been misdiagnosed. At first I couldn't believe what he was telling me. It took quite awhile for it to sink in. He thinks that all these years of depression are actually a result of anxiety. When he first said this, I was confused and angry. I thought how is this possible? How after 20+ years of being told I had depression and even at times being told that anxiety had been ruled out could it be that the depression was anxiety produced? He asked me to look at my history with him and we did. He said that every time I had to be hospitalized for depression it was the result of a stressful and/or anxiety producing event. For example, my first hospitalization was a few weeks after my Grandfather had passed. And I was hospitalized on and off for 9 months after we lost my Mom. And then I was hospitalized shortly after moving to Texas. He said that the symptoms of depression and anxiety can be similar and we went through some of them. And then he said this is why the medications and ECT treatments have not had lasting effects for me. The treatment of anxiety and depression are very different even though the symptoms are similar. Again, it took time for all of this to sink in. But it all makes sense. So, we are working on ways that I can deal with my anxiety and stress levels. It has been hard for me to switch gears, so to speak, in my mind. And I am still trying to learn these new ways of dealing with life. Things are hard and stressful right now, but I am trying to make headway. I have gone off all of the depression medication that I was on and it has not been easy, but I have been managing. I am trying to deal with the anxiety on my own without the aid of medication. I have not completely closed the door on medication but would like to try to do this without it. We will see how it goes.
The most recent thing happening in my life are some health problems over the past few days. On Friday as I was getting ready for work I started having sharp pains in my lower left back. But I continued to get ready for work and went in. By the time I arrived and got to my desk the pain was pretty intense but I started up my computer and tried to start my day. Well, that didn't last long and I told my manager that I had to leave to go to the doctor to see what was going on. On my way driving I called the doctor's office to see what time they opened and they still had their out of office message on from the 4th of July. I knew no one would be in yet seeing that it was only 7 am, so I went home for a little while. I went over to the doctor around 9 and by the time I got their I could barely walk and was in tears by the time I got to the counter. They got me in right away and after the doctor examined me and did a couple of tests he sent me over to the ER. The doctor their gave me meds right away and it was wonderful because it took all the pain away. They did a scan and discovered that I had a kidney stone. The doctor said that it was small and would pass on its own. He sent me home with some pain meds and an antibiotic to pass it. Well, the pain came back that evening but then suddenly stopped at about 9pm. The pain came back at about 10 am on Saturday, but then went away again that evening. The pain came back for a third time on Sunday morning but then again stopped. At about 11pm Sunday night I tried to lay down to get some sleep so I could go to work in the morning when the intense sharp pains began again. I tried to tough it out but by 3:30 Monday morning I couldn't stand it anymore and drove myself to the ER. After being there for about an hour in a room the doctor comes in and says that stone is still bothering you, huh? And I said yeah as I am on the gurney crying once again because of the pain. She ordered some morphine and did some tests. About an hour or so later she comes back and says, well, we need to admit you. I was shocked I just thought they would send me home again to continue to try and pass it. She explained that the stone must have lodged and it had caused a severe kidney infection. She then said that a urologist would be seeing me once I got to my room and would explain what needed to be done. He came in and saw me and said that they would have do a surgical procedure in the operating room. Although, no cutting would be involved. They went in and put a stint in my ureter to open things up to allow the kidney to drain. They put me under general anesthesia for the procedure. This was all done on Monday. They kept me overnight and gave me lots of fluids and IV antibiotics. They released me from the hospital yesterday. After waiting for 3 hours at Walmart for them to fill my prescriptions I finally made it home late yesterday afternoon.
The sharp pains are gone now and the doctor explained that is because the stint is in and the stone is no longer moving. I am feeling very uncomfortable and have a lot of soreness and cramp like pain. The doctor told me to expect the uncomfortable feeling because of the stint. He said that I have a foreign object in my body and my body is trying to expel it because it doesn't belong there. I have my follow-up appointment set up and will go back to see Dr. Pace (the urologist) next Wednesday. If all looks good he will take the stint out at that time and he will decide then how to proceed with dealing with the kidney stone.
In the mean time I am going crazy because I can't do hardly anything without being completely exhausted afterward. For instance this afternoon I walked out to my mailbox and went to the bank and am completely drained. I feel like I could sleep for a week. I don't know how I am going to deal with this uncomfortable feeling for the next week. I feel like I constantly have to go to the bathroom and again the doctor said that is normal because of the stint. I just want all this to be over. And hopefully it will be soon.
Anyway, that is how life has been for me. Not much fun these past few days but at least I know what is wrong and that it is treatable. Thank you to all of you for your love, well wishes, and prayers. They are all very much appreciated. I hope that you are all doing well.
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